My tongue is tied.
My mind in shambles.
This is the second time I’m writing this. WordPress’s new interface confuses me, to be honest.
“I can’t write,” I told my friend. There are too many questions.
“Then just write. It doesn’t have to be in perfect English. Ramble. Even that helps,” she said.
Coincidentally, during my first attempt to get something down, Shane Filan’s Everything To Me was playing in the background. Now it’s Corbin Bleu’s Push it to the Limit. Shuffled Spotify Playlist, can be so timely. A sign? Hahaha
Can you tell me where I’m going
Tell me what comes next
Cause I know that it’s not over
Haven’t even started yet
I just wanna get there
But I hope it’s not too late
Cause the closer that I’m getting
The more I feel the weight
If anything could perfectly describe my mental and emotional state at the moment, it would be those lyrics from Mr. Filan’s song.
Ah, a new song now…one about getting through the currents of this world. But not alone.
We’re not gonna break
Cause we both still believe
We know what we’ve got
And we’ve got what we need alright
We’re doing something right…
This song. I thought to myself, this would be a song I’d love to sing to my loved ones. You are not alone.
I have to be strong. I have to be strong to protect what God has given to me.
But even then, sometimes…a lot of times, I do feel alone.
That only I can get me out of the internal mess within.
Just on time, Spotify. Sometimes, I can’t help but think that I have some abilities to transfer my thoughts and boom haha. Broken Arrows, Daughtry.
I may not be a saint but I’ve got a heart of gold
Oh, like a telephone
Connection ain’t clear
But I hope you hear my soul
You gotta know
The best of intentions I lay at your feet
And I need you to see past the worst part of me
And I’m tired of taking my aim
When I keep on missing
There’s gotta be a better way
These thoughts…above all of this, I know I’m not the only one.
I talked to my bestfriend, and she shares the same condition.
And I look at the news, and I see a world that struggles as well.
Our stories more connected than we think.
Oh listen! Haha Nickelback’s What Are You Waiting For is playing right now. Timely. That’s straight in a row. I promise it’s on shuffle!
Tell me what you’re waiting for
Show me what you’re aiming for
Whatcha going to save it for?
So whatcha really waiting for?
Everybody’s gonna make mistakes
But everybody’s got a choice to make
Everybody needs a leap of faith
When are you taking yours?
My friend once said, that there’s so many possibilities. But it all comes down to our choices.
“What do you want?” I’ve constantly been asked this.
“To do the right thing,” is what I’d say.
But right now, the choice I will make now, will lead me to the direction I will end up. But will it really lead me where I would strive to go?
I only know that I cannot give up. Because though I may be the one breathing, my life is not simply “mine.” Cue really Harris J- Worth It as I was typing all that.
When I’m on the case I know it’s worth it
I’m on the path now I’m running like a circuit
Got my dreams in sight and I’m ready for the fight
Now it’s time to put all of the work in, yeah!
One chance, one shot, no I won’t give up
I can’t give up: that, is what I know for sure.
No matter how many mistakes I make. I have to struggle to stand up again.
“What is it you want to do?” I’ve constantly been asked this too.
And that, is when I become speechless.
Being a writer? No. Not in the way I used to imagine. Being an employed writer isn’t as wonderful. As a writer, I found that I’m a free-spirited one. And my degree isn’t gonna land me one for now.
Maybe a columnist, one day. God willing. When I get my head straight and the experience to give credit to my words.
Journalist? Can’t. Again, my degree. See what I mean by choices leading us to situations, directions?
The answers won’t come today, I’m sure. God willing, hopefully, tomorrow. Soon.
But I know I can’t just sit here to find out.
May God forgive me for all my shortcomings that aren’t ending and are ever-growing…
May God guide us all, ameen.