Break Away~

When I opened my eyes slowly to the sun
It was full of white shadows
Because of the weight of endless thinking
It’s even hard to breathe

Look at the gap
In front of the dead end
Untie your hands
Runaway

-Years, Alesso X CHEN (Korean version, translated)

I have hopes, but not expectations, is what I told my friend. She wasn’t sure what I meant, and I told her that I would write about it.

It was one of the mindsets I’ve realized I should adapt for myself, as I continue to face the ever-challenging future.

For those who know of my Twitter and followed my noise and random rants, I’ve decided to take a break from a majority of my social networks and keep to myself, except for this blog where I only write my most coherent (rambling) thoughts. For those who got tired of me and have me mute, you must be breathing a sigh of relief aren’t ya? Keke. No biggie. Look, I’m sentencing myself to at least two months of silence and self-reflection! Haha.

The thing is, when you “adult” (this generation’s ‘sweg’ way of saying “grow up”), you tend to be plunged into the rat race and if you’re not careful ,you get consumed by it. Almost countless disappointments when things turn out not how you (exactly) expect them to, after what you thought was “giving your all,” tend to put off that determination you had in the beginning. “Disappointments” tend to be a common occurrence as you grow up, one would find.

But most of all, I guess, the most weighing disappointment is when you wake up in the morning, you look at the mirror, and your eyes don’t reflect “who” you expect to become as a person. The type that resurfaces when you have everything else in silence, and you are alone with only your conscience’s thoughts. Or I might be overthinking, but for the level of clutz-iness like mine lately, it might be a good thing to bring back.  

Where did I go wrong?  What should I stop doing? What should I have done?

My younger brother told me of something he had read earlier that talked about two types of happiness: one, that of contentment; and two, that of fun/instant gratification. He said the problem, with the generation that we belonged to is that happiness is made exclusively to mean what can give us the concept of fun- jolts of energy, pulsing emotions, and the almost absence of the need to think. Many of us limit our happiness to the venues of drinking and partying, where the beats makes us forget of the problems we face. “We stop thinking at that moment, and we’re happy,” that’s what most of us think happiness is.

But that’s the problem. We simply forget. We stop one of the most fundamental aspects that makes us human- thinking. Our “problems” did not  truly”go away.”

I do not drink. I do not party. I barely watch TV. But I guess, I’ve clung to some frame of someone and something within my mind that landed me where I am now, more than the actions or the conditions of those that surround me.

break-free-2

“God will not change the condition of a people, until they change what is within themselves.”

(Chapter 13, “The Thunder”, Verse 11)

The verse above has visited my mind far too many times, without the influence of others, to just ignore it. And an small argument with my mother that shook the right places…

Erm, am I still making any sense? I hope I am, haha.

Actually, there are a lot of thoughts still going on in my head. But I feel like a hypocrite, like how I feel most like these days, if I didn’t put those thoughts into action and change my own condition.

Look at the gap
In front of the dead end
Untie your hands
Runaway

-Years, Alesso X CHEN (Korean version, translated)

Ahead lies a long road.

Am excited, and hopeful for a good outcome.

But I don’t expect everything to work our as want. As what I want, isn’t always what I thought was best, what I needed, or what I really wanted.

Accepting that one has fallen and starting over, could prove to be very difficult. But how can we get anywhere without any pain right?

So…

..Let us begin?

assa!

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