Pain

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THANKS

When you pray for rain, and go outside bring with you an umbrella. That’s how you should act towards your prayer. That’s Faith.- mom

Four days ago, I spent most of my time lying in bed- sleeping away my anxieties about the results of the CPA board examinations that I had taken for the past two weekends. After 6 years in undergraduate studies, and another 4 months in review this was the crucible of my life into the working force of society. I was in the midway of transitioning between my life as a student towards the beginning of my life as a professional.

Throughout my life, I had learnt that my fate though my actions do play a big part of it, is not fully just because of my own efforts, and skill. That every “failure” is a blessing disguise. Every moment, meant to forge me into someone in the future that is…like I have prayed from a certain point in my life.

But still I was afraid, that I may not have made it. The ramifications of not making it now were too hurtful to think about, and I prayed to be able to be able to endure it should it come to pass.

Not to say, that this- making it, passing the CPA licensure examinations- has no ramifications. It does. And just the same, I continuously pray to be able to endure and surpass them as well.

And having reached this point, I am filled with so much, so much joy and thanks. It makes it hard to breathe, hard to write further…

But all praise be to God, I managed to compose and gather my thoughts. Posted in my other SNS with quite a few changes, but without changing the essence. I leave it here, and to all who have been reading and sharing with this humble blog- THANK YOU.

In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful..

“O God! Lord of Power (And Rule), Thou givest power to whom Thou pleasest, and Thou strippest off power from whom Thou pleasest: Thou enduest with honour whom Thou pleasest, and Thou bringest low whom Thou pleasest: In Thy hand is all good. Verily, over all things Thou hast power.” (3: 26-27)
Still, not fully absorbing the matter as of now but one thing is for sure, I had set my mind and soul that whatever the outcome of this stage I was blessed with more than enough.

My family, my friends, the people I met and encountered from different walks of life, my teachers both in my undergraduate years and in the mentors in the last 4 months of review…even the people in the bakeshop I frequented and that kind elder lady I pass by sometimes at nearby university’s overpass…

I was and am blessed with more than enough, that I know no matter what happens now it is my first and foremost duty to remain steadfast in Faith and live my life to the fullest Faith.

When I took those 7-board subjects, I left the testing centers feeling as if I had no control. And I didn’t. I knew I didn’t. But I shaded each number with no trust in my knowledge, but full trust in His Grace. My preboard exams had been nowhere as satisfactory as my peers. Because, to be honest, once you see the exam questions there will be countless times when you doubt your judgement. And the human capacity, is oh so, so limited.

And after it all, all of those who took the exam with you realize this: If not for Him, this would be nothing. I would be nothing.

There are those who know me who might think and wonder if I am truly happy with this path I have chosen. “Being an accountant is far from my passion of being a writer/journalist/teacher”.

The thing is, I am. I am grateful, and happy. Challenged and honored. If anything, this path I have embraced has taught me and opened my eyes to kind of person- the kind of writer, journalist, and teacher I would truly want to be up until the end of my days (God willing).

Most of all, I learned that to pursue each dream, is to be accountable for it. That these goals may even change or evolve as we unravel who we truly are, by God’s Grace alone.

Being able to enter the profession of accountants, has only God willing, brought me a step closer towards the person He wants me to be. In all aspects.

(Also, am I not writing now?)

I also learned that no matter what I do, it is not insignificant. Not in His eyes. And trying my best in every aspect of my life, starting with my family and those close to me, is as significant as any endeavor I undertake.

Looking back, do I regret being not able to pass my scholarship exam to that prestigious university and had gone abroad? Do I regret not being able to finish my years in my first uni? Do I regret being held back by a year or two from graduating and earning my licence earlier? Do I regret even having to go through the metaphorically bloody and grueling years of a student of accountancy?

How many times, each year and up until now have I prayed “O Lord, if this is good for me, for my service, for my promise, for ‘that day’, bring me through it” ?

And here I am.

Indeed, God’s wisdom is Infinite.

For all those years, I am thankful. I could not imagine taking another route. I could not imagine the blessings I have and am receiving, had I been led towards another path.

So before anyone, all praise and glory be to the One True God. All praise is due to Him…

for giving me my family- my irreplaceable mother, my father, my lovable and protective brothers, my strong and cool sister, my nephew (squeee~), my dear uncles, aunts and cousins from all degrees, even the legacy that my grandparents have left to teach me..

for giving my dear and true friends… (no naming. Don’t want to be unfair. You guys know who you are. Love, love~)

for my teachers who believed in me. From my English teacher in my early highschool and elementary days, to my dear teachers and mentors in  Senior High (including Ma’am Principal!), to all my undergraduate teachers both in first and second universities (in all subjects, minor or major)…

for the memories and stories of people near and afar that have served to remind, reprimand, and inspire me…

for this. This, minor, minor yet very meaningful achievement.

I have earned two earthly titles- MICB, CPA.

Glory be to God!

May we earn an even more esteemed place in His Presence, God willing. Ameen!

Lessons from the Railways| Thoughts of an Ahjumma

23mrt

(Credit to The Philippine Daily Inquirer for photo)

I always am blessed to learn or to be reminded of something good while taking the MRT. But today was quite different.

There are almost a handful of things I was reminded of or taught about while experiencing another worse-than-packed-sardines-MRT day. (Which is almost like everyday, except Sundays XD)

1.Our society is very much like this kind of MRT day. People pushing,impatient, all desperately racing to get their destination, not minding that others like them are on this same platform as well. Literally, and figuratively speaking.

They’d push, they’d do almost anything to get on that train. I strongly think that 2/4 of the frustration comes from not giving others the chance to get off first. (The tramcar is obviously full, how could one get in when others haven’t gotten off to give next passengers actual space??)

Would anything change if we push ourselves into an already jam-packed vehicle? Are those few secondss we lose just to let others off first really so important? Won’t we lose more when we fight and almost push others off the railway?

This mentality of “my welfare first”/“i have my problems too” is a major reason why we ain’t moving as a society. 

“No man is an island” is something that I believe talks more than just individual loneliness. It talks about how we all, despite being unique, are interconnected. In fact, it’s our uniqueness that helps us connect and helps us collectively more forward.

2. Reminded again to never judge a book by its cover. Just because that person looks so “sacred” that he/she can’t be corrupt.

Such kind of person was next in line to me. Making way for someone getting off, I was pushed out and then that person got in first. I laughed at the encounter but it made me sad, since they’d be like one of those people many would expect to act with more patience & decency… whereas if I would have worn a veil slightly different from theirs, society would probably just go “Oh she’s of ‘them’. Rude, is expected”. (Prejudice is something terrible to have)

3. Despite all the frustrating ills we have as human beings there’s still hope. Most grateful to the security guard who let me go first -even after I was pushed out of the queue, giving me an exception even when others would have protested. He saw what happened  and calmly explained even the commuters’ hot tempers. Without his help, I probably would have ended up at the end of dreadful queue. (I know because none of those who were next to me in line moved an inch to let me get back in line after being pushed out.)

“There is still hope”. If only we could all learn to be like that security guard. If we could stop being stubborn in being pessimistic. If we could learn to let ourselves have sympathy/empathy again. That the plight of others is not their fault entirely. Especially in this society, we in differing degrees are responsible.

Reminds me of that commuter who laughed at Pnoy for trying to implement “tuwid na daan”/(pursuing the) “straight path” and all who still believed in it. That person said,  “He’s a fool! What straight path? It’s nonexistent. In this society? Ha!”

I wished I could’ve spoken out then.

Because the only reason we can’t seem to get on a straight path is because we have chosen to believe that such path doesn’t exist. We laugh at others ACTUALLY doing what they can to change. When we should pity ourselves for not being concerned,giving up, doing nothing.

4.  Last is something I’ve adopted after taking the MRT quite often, if not regularly.

In a competitive society, the pressures of everyday life can come from all directions- pushing you, squeezing you ’til you can’t seem to breathe.

  Letting these pressures get to you won’t help. Letting the anger of others get to you won’t help. Breathe despite all of it. Adjust what you can, but never loose your footing, your zen within. I’ve learned to calmly let others be when it seems there’s nothing I can do now to change the situation. And to smile, even it can be painful.

Because it might seem such a long ride, but as long as you keep patient in doing what you can, your bound to get to your destination in time.

-Growing Tree

Seed

I won’t give up dreaming. If I can’t realize it now, I’ll work for a future where that dream can’t be harmed and where it can grow. I’ll plant the seed today so that even if I may not live to see it, my children can see the tree all-grown.

(Tree of Hope by InertiaK on DevianArt)

(I want to be like a child)

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I want to be like  a child,
Who knew only honesty,
Who only knew sincerity,
Who knew to give without a gift back,
Who trusted the good in anyone.. I may not be the child I once was,
I may not smile as often,
But I will never do anything to lose that child,
Who always smiled again after being broken.

(Cr topnews.in for the orig pic)

growingtree

What matters…

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“Strongest17” is what we hoped to be as a batch. Initially it was thought to be that we would be the batch with the best performance of our uni in this upcoming CPA Board Exams 2015. But with all that has happened since June 2014, being truly “strong” seems to be quite far from that. Failures, loss, and the constant growing pressures seem to only rain upon us that it’s almost hard for us to breathe, especially for those of us who have faced the darkest tragedies we could not expect to happen too soon.

But that’s when this single and often neglected truth only becomes clearer. Our strength, our dreamed success…the future isn’t simply by our intelligence, nor by how many hours we spent gruelling in reviewers and textbooks, nor by how many theories we’ve memorized, nor by the titles that have been attached to our names in the past…

No, not by us…

Above all…in the end of the day, when we’re left alone, when we realized true loss, when we’ve fallen ill,when we faced challenges we could not have imagined- no amount of medals, no amount of certifications, no amount of gadgets, no level of grades can uplift nor comfort us…nothing but what we have grown within us, who we have chosen to be, who we chose to surround us and by what principles we’ve chosen to live by.