Shades of Loneliness

This is the gloomiest piece I may ever post out here.

As I admit to myself…

Yes, I am lonely.

To a certain degree, I am…lonely.

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I guess there are times that it can’t be helped. That feeling of missing something-whether it be a person, or something inside of you, something you can’t express to anyone that you’d somehow know he/she wouldn’t be able to understand.

Or maybe it’s in the questions that people will wonder, “why do you even ask?”

But you, alone, know why. You, alone, know why you have to have the answers to these questions.

Or maybe it’s in the frustrations that don’t matter much to others, but they matter to us?

The unsaid feelings that we don’t dare tell anyone for various reasons- little they may be, they are enough for us to keep them within.

Is this the darkest shade of loneliness? Or is it just the beginning?

Is being alone, with no other human to exchange your thoughts and feelings, the darkest depiction of loneliness?

Or is it being surrounded by people, yet no one of who you can be fully transparent with?

Either way, no matter what shade, loneliness…unlike being alone for a time is something we know we cannot harbor or let be.

It’s an experience much scarier than the silence of a completely black night.

Is Life Even That Important

Is Life even that important?

This is a question of oddities

but with killings left and right,

and warfare in plain sight,

One may opt to ask the question.
From the onset of time,
Surviving has been the major goal of one,

But in battles, the emerging victor is none.

If it’s importance is above all,

then why do countries choose it’s downfall?

aren’t we the most precious thing of all?

If theories and concepts are made by man,
Then why are such theories destroying man?
How fearful does the future brings,

If the present do not preserve the important things.

Like peace and it’s never ending process

and children which promotes progress.

With all that’s that happening in the world,
One can’t help but reiterate the question

“Is Life even that important?”

-a poem written by my friend, who I shall refer to as G.D.

[UPDATE: GD now has a blog: The Old Wondering Soul. Do check her out! )

Ballpen: A short anecdote| T.O.A.

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“I’m sorry to disturb you. But I hope you understand. I am a father, with children who I send to school. This is the only moral way I know to earn a living. If you could just buy (even one or a few), it would mean a great deal. Thank you!”

 

Those were the few words uttered by the elder man who was obviously roaming the streets earlier today- amidst the sorching heat of the sun and danger of going from jeep to jeep in the middle of heavy traffic. He  basket full of pens in hand and small printed notes that more or less said what he had uttered.

All this, just so he could send his child(ren) to school.

Some may say, it could be another modus operandi, a hoax to get people’s money. It’s a thing so common in the Philippines when you roam the streets and you encounter indigents who ask for alms. There are people who take advantage of the suffering of others…

Others who think that they have no other choice, if they wish to survive.

But dare I say, where is the proof? Would we dare choose to believe the latter whilst knowing that there is an equally high chance that a simple ballpen could mean a child’s future?

But besides all this, I was nearly moved to tears…

I felt guilty…

 

Being still considered a fresh graduate and having earned my license last October, my current job has had me in the ropes. I’ve faced challenges and situations that have me constantly pondering whether I did the right thing, and/or whether the struggles are worth it.

 

But what are my struggles, compared to others who choose to push on? Like that man who had put aside any concern for his health and being for the sake of the future of another?

 

Love.

 

Hope.

 

Selflessness.

 

Goals.

 

Purpose.

 

No matter what our situation is written to be…no matter how grim or trialsome…May we never lose sight of these.

Year-Ender: Detours and Dreams

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My detour to Intramuros is one of the most beautiful detours I’ve had in the Philippines. Because of the holidays, it wasn’t hard to move around on foot (how my errands are usually done). But I didn’t have time (and phone storage) to really take in this very old, yet preserved, city 😦 God willing, in the future…I will, ameen.

The Manila Times is one of the oldest newspaper outlets in the Philippines. I was blessed to pass by while at Intramuros. Seeing it still standing, made me reflect. I always wanted to be like a Lois Lane, writing still being my passion. I don’t regret this path I’ve chosen…I believe today is a comforting reminder, that where I am now is just like what Intramuros was to me today: a “detour”, but necessary and meant to build this weak, but hopefully ever-growing soul.

-via My Instagram

Whatever you must do, as long as it is right, do it.

It might not be the one we hope for now,

But whatever is right will keep us on the best state to reach our soul’s purest longings, that what we deem are our “dreams” won’t turn into nightmares because we lost focus of where value truly lives.

Here’s to another year, and hopefully a chance we take to enrich our souls, step out of our boxes and help each other towards Truth and that brighter future.

 

Selective Justice, Selective Sympathy–> A Honest Reminder How Hypocritical We Can Be 

Social Media has brought people together

It has also brought people apart.

The Internet has taught a lot of good people what our selective media can manipulate into the masses,

It has also become a medium for evil…

But most of all, it brings about the most potent medium wherein we can be the biggest hyprocrites…

If we cry for Paris…

We should cry for the people of Syria, Kenya, Rohingya, Palestine…

The people in our streets that we seem to ignore because of unvalidated fears…

 

But I’ve seen the best of people shine even better through this….And THAT reinforces my Hope.

Surely, it’s these lights that we should focus on.

 

Light your candle. Like the moon, even stars can light the sky if they shine together.

 

Reaction inspired by : Rant

~GrowingTree

BLANK CANVASSES| Thoughts of An Ahjumma

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Another entry. I’m supposed to be doing some other stuff, but after reading an article that explains the person’s hatred that he/she says is not “racist”, but could might as well pass off as extremely prejudiced and arrogant, if not supremacist- I could not help but collect my upset thoughts. This is a product of that collection (laugh).

O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of God is (he who is) the most righteous of you.” (49:13)

Several years ago, as someone who was searching for her identity… as someone who yearning to find a community she belongs to, reading that verse for the first time struck a strong chord in me.

American, European, Arab, Indian, Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Filipino- no matter what race one may belong to…beyond the social constructs and divisions we so normally have accepted, we are all human beings.

Our identities as a people, our history may define the “us”, now. But by connecting with others THAT is how we truly grow. When we start to look beyond the constraints of “culture” to define what is right and wrong against another human being, then we can grow.

Think of it like this, when we are born-regardless where we come from-we are like blank canvasses. Through time as we learn, we discover then change. Each experience is like a brushstroke that slowly forms a picture that tells a unique story.

Each day of our lives is like a fresh page in an initially, blank, story book- the material that serves like a brochure to the image painted on to the canvass once completed.

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If we were meant to be restricted to the borders of our “nations”/”cultures” then wouldn’t we NOT come as blank canvasses?

But we did, and no baby is born with a “culture” infused into his/her ways. We are born all equally…as human beings with probably the only significant distinction would be the defining purpose in the life we’ve been given. A purpose that only we could have completed in the way we have allowed or chosen to be.

I’m not saying to throw away the many achievements and grievances that each people has faced. No, definitely not. We have disregarded so much of each other’s history that we fail at the many challenges we face now, simply because we haven’t learnt the real lessons each point in history should have taught us.

What I’m saying is, instead of seeing our identities as something that sets each of us apart, shouldn’t we start to look at our unique identities as the strings that could bring us together?

We have so many romantics that say that differences between two lovers who share a genuine, beautiful relationship aren’t actually hindrances. Instead, those differences complement each other, help each other grow.

Perhaps we should adapt that way of thinking…see our differences as something that could complement each other. See our differences as something that could teach each other things we didn’t know, we didn’t know. (Yes, I just made a Disney reference.)

Perhaps we ca liken ourselves to canvasses, that are actually part of bigger canvas? Or like a volume within a series of books that complete one huge story?

Right now, as connected our communities seem to be with technology, we are still at a point of critical disconnection from each other…

However ours is a time, a chapter, a page defined by the past, and that which will define our future.

If we remain at this state of disconnection…

What kind of picture are we each contributing to?

What kind of story are we writing ourselves in?