Stuck

My tongue is tied.

My mind in shambles.

This is the second time I’m writing this. WordPress’s new interface confuses me, to be honest.

“I can’t write,” I told my friend. There are too many questions.

“Then just write. It doesn’t have to be in perfect English. Ramble. Even that helps,” she said.

Coincidentally, during my first attempt to get something down, Shane Filan’s Everything To Me was playing in the background. Now it’s Corbin Bleu’s Push it to the Limit. Shuffled Spotify Playlist, can be so timely. A sign? Hahaha

Can you tell me where I’m going
Tell me what comes next
Cause I know that it’s not over
Haven’t even started yet
I just wanna get there
But I hope it’s not too late
Cause the closer that I’m getting
The more I feel the weight

If anything could perfectly describe my mental and emotional state at the moment, it would be those lyrics from Mr. Filan’s song.

Ah, a new song now…one about getting through the currents of this world. But not alone.

We’re not gonna break
Cause we both still believe
We know what we’ve got
And we’ve got what we need alright
We’re doing something right…

This song. I thought to myself, this would be a song I’d love to sing to my loved ones. You are not alone.

I have to be strong. I have to be strong to protect what God has given to me.

But even then, sometimes…a lot of times, I do feel alone.

That only I can get me out of the internal mess within.

Just on time, Spotify. Sometimes, I can’t help but think that I have some abilities to transfer my thoughts and boom haha. Broken Arrows, Daughtry.

I may not be a saint but I’ve got a heart of gold
Yeah
Oh, like a telephone
Connection ain’t clear
But I hope you hear my soul
You gotta know

Yeah
The best of intentions I lay at your feet
And I need you to see past the worst part of me

And I’m tired of taking my aim
When I keep on missing
There’s gotta be a better way

These thoughts…above all of this, I know I’m not the only one.

I talked to my bestfriend, and she shares the same condition.

And I look at the news, and I see a world that struggles as well.

Our stories more connected than we think.

Oh listen! Haha Nickelback’s What Are You Waiting For is playing right now. Timely. That’s straight in a row. I promise it’s on shuffle! 

Tell me what you’re waiting for
Show me what you’re aiming for
Whatcha going to save it for?
So whatcha really waiting for?

Everybody’s gonna make mistakes
But everybody’s got a choice to make
Everybody needs a leap of faith
When are you taking yours?

My friend once said, that there’s so many possibilities. But it all comes down to our choices.

“What do you want?” I’ve constantly been asked this.

“To do the right thing,” is what I’d say.

But right now, the choice I will make now, will lead me to the direction I will end up. But will it really lead me where I would strive to go?

I only know that I cannot give up. Because though I may be the one breathing, my life is not simply “mine.” Cue really Harris J- Worth It as I was typing all that. 

When I’m on the case I know it’s worth it
I’m on the path now I’m running like a circuit
Got my dreams in sight and I’m ready for the fight
Now it’s time to put all of the work in, yeah!
One chance, one shot, no I won’t give up

I can’t give up: that, is what I know for sure.

No matter how many mistakes I make. I have to struggle to stand up again.

“What is it you want to do?” I’ve constantly been asked this too.

And that, is when I become speechless.

Being a writer? No. Not in the way I used to imagine. Being an employed writer isn’t as wonderful. As a writer, I found that I’m a free-spirited one. And my degree isn’t gonna land me one for now.

Maybe a columnist, one day. God willing. When I get my head straight and the experience to give credit to my words.

Journalist? Can’t. Again, my degree. See what I mean by choices leading us to situations, directions?

The answers won’t come today, I’m sure. God willing, hopefully, tomorrow. Soon.

But I know I can’t just sit here to find out.

May God forgive me for all my shortcomings that aren’t ending and are ever-growing…

May God guide us all, ameen.

Song Speak | Dream by Raef| Eid Wishes and Reflections

Second post today. Actually I’ve been wanting to post this ever since I first heard it. But I didn’t have the time.

And I believe that posting this isn’t in the wrong time at all.

The essence of Ramadan is to hone the purity of the soul, to help in the chipping away whatever it is the withholds it to reach the true potential of the human being…

To shake our inner being so that we may see with the eyes of the heart, and think beyond the boxes society has placed upon us.

To rid us of food, material enjoyment and reign in our desires with a command stronger than any political law, so that we may see that these things are not what really matters…

To get put the base ego and desires into the command of the soul so that we, as a race, may realize the “Dream” we all share regardless of color, age, and culture.

And it is in the coming of Eid that this realization is celebrated. Eid being the culmination, and the gateway for the souls to be reborn into a stronger force within the human body’s vessel.

I believe this song by brother Raef reflects what I’m trying to say in a much more effective and clearer medium for many today.

Too many times I’ve walked through these streets
Wondering where we went wrong
Our hands alone can feel so helpless and weak
But surely with yours they’ll be strong
Our problems and fears will soon disappear
If we try hard enough they’ll all be gone
Brothers and sisters, it takes each of us
Together we can overcome!
We shall overcome

Dream your biggest dream
If we dream enough together we can make it real
And lend a helping hand
What we keep won’t mean anything, once we’re gone

Crossing Bridges. A short anecdote for this day| Thoughts of An Ahjumma

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“By understanding the past you understand the future, unless you change your ways, life will repeat in an endless cycle.”

In the name of GOD, Most Gracious, Most Merciful…

No words can begin to describe what I am feeling today.

Graduation….graduating from college is one of the said most important turning points in one’s life. The crucible, the climax of a stage.

No words can come from me, but by God, that can describe what I’ve learned.

Graduation. Life. Turning Points. Stages.

The moment where I’ll be stepping out of this plane, and crossing the bridge onto the next.

Graduating from college makes me think of that future stage when I’ll be “graduating from life.”

All of the moments, all of the tears, all of the smiles…All of it add up to who and where I am today. And none of them are truly because of me. No, not even the success. I see that now.

Above all, I am always and most grateful unto the One True God.  And certainly, no words can express how grateful I am for the people I’ve encountered in my life, even those I didn’t actually talk to.  Even the shows I’ve seen on TV has taught me certain significant things. *laughs*

And through it all, it’s the tears that seem the more weighty amongst all the experiences.  The struggle, the hurt…all of them, for reasons I’ve came to understand, for reasons I’m just coming to understand and for reasons I have yet to understand, were worth it.

 

And that’s just talking about going through the “phase” called college.

What more in the whole journey  called “Life”?

What about those who were past this stage? What were you thoughts back then? What are you thoughts now, whenever you look back?

 

 

I only pray that I’ll be able to “graduate” from Life, and not flunk it. Ameen.